Well well well, so festival season is finally upon us and like any miserable sod who has to endure the sudden and violent diarrhoea of #festiewithbestie posts on social media, I headed to my favourite American taproom to find some sense in it all. 3 pints in, and desperately trying to remember why I was there in the first place, I was recommended a new IPA, fresh from Canada. By my third sip, it all came galloping back. Eh.
So hold on to your flower garlands and Native American headdress, this beer will knock the face paint off of your fuckfaces. But gently and politely, because it’s Canadian. Eh.
Name: Philips Electric Unicorn
Style: India Pale Ale
Price: $10 sgd or 0.15 bitcoins
Aroma: Hint of guava, tropical fruits, coriander (yes!), like the wet glittery hide of a mystical mono-horned beast post-fornication (possibly with a hot centaur).
Taste: Pours foamy with a cloudy head, and pretty much leaves you the same. You get after notes of herb and mild guava, smoky to the tongue– pretty much like sharing a toke with a juiced up Unicorn or a bearded man in drag who believes he’s a unicorn. Others have described it as “curry for white people” but I’d pull it back a lil’ and suggest it’s like French-kissing a white man after he’s eaten some very mild curry.
Will I look like a Hoechella bae drinking this? Maybe. If you conceal the bottle in a cosy and let people think that it’s kombucha? Which is great news if you’re part of us more evolved species. This badass label needs to be showcased with pride– the only thing better than a mighty unicorn that looks like it’s on the cusp of busting its nuts filled with silvery spunk, is if it does it on a Hoechella bae’s face. This white IPA is drinkable as fuck thanks to its light and surprising combination of flavours, unlike the last meat-flapped Sheila you went down on. Yeah, sorry dude, those weren’t razor burns.
Will I drink enough of this to go frolicking in a magical forest with a herd of strangers I met off a Reddit thread? I happen to think this is a great thing, so the answer is a big fat yes. While there are stronger, headier IPAs out there, the Electric Unicorn is the kind of easy breezy beer you want to freely suck on without fear of appearing on some kid’s festival Insta-story puking on your handmade flower garland/Hawaiian shirt #checkyourselfbeforeyouwreckyourself. So if you’re tired of imagining dragons, don’t wanna strut around like a privileged show pony, and would much rather gallop down from the heavens like the majestic imaginary beast that you are, go on, get your ass poked by this one. I meant the beer. Not the guy below.